My Heart Has Given Up
by miranran
Summary: Revision of "If I Were You" Keiko want to love him. Yusuke wants her to understand.


I Wouldn't Be Here

I Wouldn't Be Here

By:

Aisu-Kisaki

* * *

_I look in the mirror_

_With you in my arms_

* * *

Keiko looked at the picture of her and Yusuke she kept in the locket around her neck as she caught her breath. Her heart clinched in her chest, constricting her lungs painfully. 'I missed him so much when he died; my heart broke into a million pieces. My friends had to drag me from his funeral. Then moments later it seemed he was breathing again. Alive and well! Then when I kissed him...I felt all that pain disappear. But now, I just...I just can't!'

* * *

_And I see the reflection_

_Of a smile that says:_

_You believe in love._

_And just for a moment_

_I drifted away,_

_But I couldn't stay._

_A hint of love_

_A bitter fear_

_I'm trying to say..._

* * *

_Flashback_

_His lips had barely grazed hers but the tenderness she felt from him was almost too much to bear. She quickly pulled away, fearing what she had felt. 'I have had that feeling before, it only ended in pain. I couldn't take it if-'_

_"Keiko? What's wrong?" said Yusuke soothingly, interrupting her thoughts._

_"I-- I can't do this." She said suddenly standing and walking away._

_"Do what?" he said his voice unchanging. It was his eyes that were piercing her accusingly._

_"This." She said gesturing around her. "I can't-"_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing, I just-"_

_"Look Keiko, I'm in love with you. I love you. And every time I-" he said his voice gradually rising. He took a deep breath and went on. "Every time I show my love for you, you run Keiko. You run away from me."_

_"I know, and I'm sorry Yusuke, but-"_

_"I have had my heart broken a lot before. I don't want to hurt you." He finished for her, looking lovingly into her eyes. She turned away. "But it's not me you're worried for..." he continued taking another, more intent step in her direction. He offered his hand._

_"I'm here for you Keiko." She took another step back then another. She turned fully and walked toward the front door. "I can't love you unless you let me…" Yusuke said gently. Keiko hesitated for a long eternal moment._

_Her footsteps continued to the door. Open close, and she was outside. She sighed breathing in the cool humid air, yet somehow she didn't feel relief. Suddenly, she broke into a full out run around the corner 'To continue this between Yusuke and me—if only he knew what I went through… He doesn't understand.'_

_Slowly, Keiko began to walk, going wherever her feet took her. They took her straight to a bus stop. The bus pulled up and Keiko climbed on..._

_End Flashback_

* * *

_If I were you I wouldn't be here_

_If I were you I would stay right where you are_

_I wouldn't come near this broken heart_

_Just turn around and leave here_

* * *

Yusuke sat for a moment and thought. 'I love her, and she knows that. But, she just can't get past her own barrier. I'll kill the man who broke her heart… Who am I kidding...?' He stood and began to brush his hair back, and unconscious nervous gesture. Then he began to pace. 'I need to get out of here.' Glancing out the window, he noticed it had begun to rain. That meant that his spot on the beach was at its most beautiful, and empty, point. Grabbing his coat and 50 cents, Yusuke left for the bus stop on his corner. When he got there he sat and looked at the bus route times. 'I have...30 minutes to wait!' he thought, when someone behind him spoke.

"It's about 15 minute's difference on rainy days." said the man seeing Yusuke's expression.

"Oh...thanks." He said sitting relaxing into the seat next to him. Yusuke sat and, sure enough the bus arrived in 15 minutes. Yusuke got on and sat next to the window, thankful to be out of the rain. His hair was gel-less thanks to it. 'Oh well, Keiko likes it better this way...Keiko.' he thought as the bus pulled away. Luckily, the next stop was the closest to the beach. He grinned with anticipation.

* * *

_And find someone who won't hurt you_

_Make sure that she still believes in love_

_Cause I think my heart has given up_

_If I were you I wouldn't be here_

* * *

Keiko sat and watched the outside world blur past her. Then of its own accord, her hand reached up and pulled the stop bell. She got off and looked around at the beautiful, but stormy, beach. 'Hmmm, I'll go sit somewhere.' She looked around and finally found a spot where a cliff jetted out over the water. 'It's so romantic; I bet people come here on dates all the time. They probably bring someone they love...' she thought sitting on her raincoat, her head thrown back. The rain drops kissed her face. 'Like Yusuke would ever get the chance to, always fighting demons and such...' A wave hit the side of the cliff, spraying her with its salty-sweet scent when a yell snapped her thoughts back to reality.

"Hey!"

* * *

_I'm trying to protect you_

_From the lies that your heart tells_

_Even though_

_It says that you want me,_

_All I see is pain and misery_

_Seasons may change,_

_But I can't forget the days of old_

_My heart ached_

_When you walked away, but_

_I said that I would never love again_

* * *

Yusuke sat on the bus looking out the window. 'There it is the beach. Only about one more mile down and I'll be there.' He looked at the ocean and his thoughts went to Keiko. 'Her eyes are that color.' He sighed and closed his eyes unable to escape his thoughts of her. 'If I could only make her understand...' Then he pulled the stop ringer. He had almost passed his favorite spot. He slipped down the steps and stumbled on to the side walk. He vaguely heard the words 'careful' as the bus doors closed. "Whatever." He mumbled under his breath sulking a little.

It seemed to him that the walk was taking longer than usual. Like time had slowed as he walked through the torrents of rain and ocean spray. He sighed heavily and continued forward. Finally his favorite spot came into view but someone was already there. Yusuke slowed for a moment. Then recognition quickened his pace as he approached the person.

"Hey!" he said as the person turned quickly and her eyes widened. "Keiko...?"

* * *

_If I were you I wouldn't be here_

_If I were you I would stay right where you are_

_I wouldn't come near this broken heart_

_Just turn around and leave here_

_And find someone who won't hurt you_

_Make sure that she still believes in love_

_Cause I think my heart has given up_

_If I were you I wouldn't be here_

_The days go by,_

_And I feel that you can make me happy_

_Time goes by_

_And I feel that love is at my door_

_And though I tell myself_

_That you're the one_

_I've said those words before_

_Though is hurts too much_

_I can't trust in love_

_Again! Again!_

* * *

Keiko turned to look into a pair of chocolate brown eyes. 'Yusuke!!' She thought in surprise. She could feel her limbs fill with the heat of relief upon seeing his face, then guilt for leaving him alone. Despite the surprised exterior, she was struggling inside herself. 'I know that I can love him, my heart just won't let me.' She thought standing as Yusuke approached debating still on weather or not she should stay. 'If I could just tell him how I feel...' Then, a tiny faint voice spoke to her, echoing softly in her mind calming her heart, clearing her mind. 'You know its real Keiko, let him love you. Let it come to you.'

"Keiko. What are you…doing here?" said Yusuke in a low voice as though unsure of what to say.

"I don't know. I just...came." she said turning away and gesturing to the wondrous landscape. Yusuke began to laugh. "What's so funny?" cried Keiko in mock outrage, her hands on her hips. Still chuckling, Yusuke answered.

"This is my most favorite spot besides..."

"Besides what?"

"Besides in your arms." He whispered in her ear turning and pulling her closer. 'NOOOOO!' yelled her heart. But for once, Keiko didn't listen to her old heart. It was small, but the voice of her new heart spoke again. The heart that beat in both her and Yusuke's chest. "Now I'm in my most favorite place." There was a long silence. Keiko broke it.

"Yusuke?"

"Yeah?" he said still not letting her go.

"I walked right into that one didn't I?."

"Yeah pretty much." He said smartly, burying himself further into our embrace. 'I've looked up at him," she thought their faces close. 'I've looked at him, studied him. I already know that face. Memorized it a million times over and yet…

I feel like this is the first time I have ever truly seen him, his hair swept down over his forehead, swaying gracefully in the wind. His eyes. So deep, loving, giving… how? What changed from now to a few hours ago?'

"You're going to get sick out here." Keiko said quietly, noting the lack of umbrella or hood.

"I'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere."

"Maybe……" she said trailing off as she looked into his eyes.

"Maybe…" he repeated, prompting her.

"Maybe you sho-" His hands grip her arms tightly, and he pulled her forward, interrupting her sentence with a declaration of his own. A kiss…

"I love you." He said as he pulled his lips away from hers. "I will never leave you…not fully. I'll always be with you somehow someway. And if I do leave, the only thing that I am thinking of is returning here, to you, to my favorite place. Don't you see Keiko, there's no point in pushing me away. There is no way, _no way_ to convince me that there is anyone for me but you. If anything, I need you. So please, please stop pushing me away. I'm not going. I'm here. For you, for me, for…us." Keiko continued to look up at yusuke, almost dumb struck. "And, I guess if you don't want me that's fine I mean, if it's best we—"

"I love you." Said keiko interrupting Yusuke's soliloquy. Now it was Yusuke's turn to be dumb struck.

"Wha-?"

"I. Love. You." She repeated tears forming in her eyes. Yusuke pulled her tight, wrapping his arms fully around Keiko. He sighed into her hair, the ocean spray matching wave for wave his elation upon hearing those words.

"I love you, too." he replied hoping that she felt the same as he did.

* * *

_If I were you I wouldn't be here_

_If I were you I would stay right where you are_

_I wouldn't come near this broken heart_

_Cause I think my heart has given up_

_If I were you I wouldn't be here_

* * *

Thank you for reading my (revised) fan fiction piece, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for you. My other stories are being worked on. I'm just trying to finish some things and work out plot line kinks before I post the next chapters. I really am sorry it. Is taking so long. I hope it will be worth it to you guys!!

Disclaimer: I no own Yu Yu Hakusho. I no own Tamia song. This though, my idea!!

Thanks bunches and tons for reading (again),

Aisu-Kisaki


End file.
